It’s no secret John McCain has a hideously dumb face. His cheeks look like butts. Or tits without nipples. I can’t decide. The republican party needed to sex up the McCain ticket, and bumper stickers on SUV’s everywhere. McCain’s wife isn’t up to the task of sexing up anything since she looks like a wrinkled strap of leather with a pair of bright blue eyes and a set of withered bosoms (and feet). The Republican party needed to find some fresh meat. And fresh meat they found – in the wilds of Alaska. Fresh meat with an orgasm of frosted bangs exploding out of her forehead. Fresh meat with an obvious willingness to breed. In fact, Palin is most certainly prepared to whore it up for your votes. Check out www.palingetsnakedforvotes.com! THAT’S how you sex-up a campaign ticket!
McCain is longer in the tooth than Dick Cheney’s vampire fangs. Therefore the Republicans needed a VP that still has colored pubes. Colored pubes bring vitality. They bring life. They bring rainbows and butterflies and green gables back to John McCain’s dead and worthless dong. A verile and rock-hard dong is essential for the health of a nation. What the F do you think old Teddy Roosevelt meant when he said to carry a big stick??
3. Relation to Washington
McCain was born on a Naval Destroyer on a mission to sink the lost city of Atlantis. He has been a Washington insider since the dawn of Greek democracy. Palin on the other hand just recently Mapquested Wasilla, AK to Washington DC while stoned and found it was 4312.78 miles away. In Wasilla people don’t even speak English. Instead they babble to one another in tongues. If you weren’t aware, Sarah Palin is a Pentecostal. Yikes.
Palin is the governor of Alaska, which if you could roll the US in dough, that would be the wet spot. She was a chairperson of the Alaska Oil and Gas Conservation Commission for a year before she was elected governor. The mission of the Alaska Oil and Gas Conservation Commission is basically, according to their mission statement, to increase ultimate oil recovery without killing anybody in the immediate vicinity. Is it any coincidence that our current president’s family made their billions in oil production, and now the governor of the most oil rich state in the nation has been nominated for VP? NO WAY! Palin will spread wide and let oil companies owned by Bush-cronies drill deep and hard. They’ll get all up IN that wet spot.
Unlike McCain, Palin never killed anybody that we know of. Remember the Forrestal.