Tag Archives: Jonas

The Jonas Brothers – Tools of Satan’s Grand Scheme

Now, I know I’m jumping on a bandwagon here, and I may even be kicking a horse that is rotting on the ground, but I just can’t sit here and hold it in. THE JONAS BROTHERS ARE TEXTBOOK PRODUCTS OF INCEST! They are SO DUMB!  It has been mentioned that they were possibly created in the same petri dish by Disney scientists early on in the debate about cloning. Disney was immediately able to grasp the applications for cloning talent. But I say it’s incest. 

A fact that supports this claim is the name of the group before they chose their current title of “The Jonas Brothers.” It was “Sons of Jonas” which is totally lame and stinks of incest. You see Jonas, the father of the boys, was extremely fond of his relatives, and that’s why Satan was able to incorporate the Jonas brothers into his evil grand scheme and make them so popular with kids. Satan loves kids. But he prefers using children born of blood relations, or at least single mothers. How’s he supposed to use a legitimate child? God’s hand is too strong on legitimate children. Much too strong.

So, shortly after an incestuous union and conception, Nick Jonas was violently ejected from the bowels of Hell by Satan himself. It was only supposed to be one star at first, but due to problems with Disney licensing, he figured he’d better poop out three of them. He made it so that only one can grow facial hair just for kicks.

Satan does this every several years in a successful long-term effort to corrupt the youth and turn them away from God so Satan has a bountiful and continual source of sex slaves and forced labor. He’ll create a young star (or stars in the case of the Jonas brothers and ‘N Sync) that all the children can relate to, and have the star promise and commit themselves to abstinence and charity. Then at just the right time, Satan will say the word and that star will begin dabbling in heroin, homosexuality and their very own fashion lines. All the children who had at one time screamed their heads off and fainted and masturbated to that star will by this time have turned at least 15 or 16 years old. Then they are sure to become rebellious against their parents, setting them on a path toward destruction, violence and ultimately sex slavery with demons.

It’s yet to happen with the Jonas brothers. But any day now, especially with all these terrible rumors swirling that the band actually likes girls, we’re bound for disaster. Soon Satan will have his way with every child on planet earth!